Ye Wizard's Guide to Elfen Psychosis: A Fantasy Harem Story

please read all the way through if you need to be warned about adult content Jakshaide is out of the burning hands and into the fireball. Jak was happily married, well-educated at the Dolorn university, went to the Temple of Storm Bull on Sundays, and just got promoted at work from apprentice to journeyman. His life was on track, predictable… and boring. But good wizards make bad husbands. To teach him this lesson a curse so ancient it has actually become sentient has fingered Jak as its servant for its long-con to awaken an even more ancient evil. And to do it, the curse needed to give him a little shove. Now Jak is wanted for murder, the Storm Bull cultists want his hide for deflowering their sacred virgin, and his former bosses – the dark Wizards of the Black Isle – want to stuff his screaming soul up the backside of a pain demon for stealing their most powerful book of spells. So Jak is on the run, taking his assumed identity to the high seas among a crew of questionable cutthroats and their captain, a two-hundred-year-old sorcerer in a child’s body. Jak’s only advantage is his talent at magic and the demon that has possessed his hand with a mind of its own. Then there’s the complicated matter of his love life. There are the two highland lasses who started as mercenary henchmen and are interested in more intimate partnerships. Not to mention the aforementioned former sacred virgin who’s learning to bless her own bullets – praise the Storm Bull and pass the ammunition. If that wasn’t bad enough the captain’s shinobi bride he won gambling would like Jak to forcibly change her marital status to ‘widow’. Sailing deeper into a world where orcs and eldritch gods are real, Jak finds that his captain is almost certainly a mad escapee from his dream-plagued homeland. Most elves have retreated into an illusion where the pointy-eared dream stealers use you as a human battery when they aren’t busy banging rails of pixie dust so they can fly, literally. Trying to keep his past secret, Jak has to unravel the real what does his deranged child-master of a captain want? Is it something hidden beneath the orc fortress of Gwahrl? Maybe a way inside the dream-plagued elven homeland where deathless elves can no longer tell illusion from reality? Or is that just another false lead? If Jak doesn’t figure it out soon their mad captain is going to get them all killed… or worse, sent on a blind date with his spinster aunt. Put on your +1 prophylactic of protection, toss a bone to your wizard, and check your dump stat because this medieval world is leveling up. CONTENT this story contains adult themes and imagines a world where today’s cultural norms and civilization wouldn’t cut it. The protagonist happily uses spell-slot loopholes, gun violence, foul language, and has no problem getting busy with kinky spinster aunts or nubile highland redheads. This story contains a harem and is an Adult Fantasy novel.